Representation Matters: If you can see it, you can be it

I never thought I would live past 35.  Most teens feel invincible, but for me my fate felt sealed at 16 during a school assembly.  I had suspected something was different about me for as long as I could remember; I didn’t see myself reflected in any of my peers or the adults I met growing up. The first data point of representation came in the form of two gay men from NYC on a stage talking to the whole school.  Now I could finally imagine my future with clarity.

They spoke for an hour about drugs.  They took dozens of pills a day, at set intervals, with competing side effects like vomiting, constipation, and diarrhea.  They had to perfectly time their meals for the pills that should be absorbed with food versus on an empty stomach, while also battling muscular dystrophy.  And despite carefully calibrating their lives around these cocktails of medicine, one thing was certain.  They would die of AIDS.  We were informed this was not an isolated incident; AIDS was a pandemic killing millions of people around the world.

As they related this story, I wept uncontrollably.  I actually had to leave the assembly as my wails were too distracting for the audience, and in the hallway a teacher asked me “do you know someone (who is suffering?)”.  What else could elicit this extremely sensitive reaction? I said no, and somehow explained (without actually coming out of the closet) that I was terrified I would die this way.

It took a long time to put that experience into context and heal.  I actively scan for LGBT representation in senior leadership roles to help create a new narrative, for the next generation of gay youth.  A confusing childhood conclusion that occludes the opportunity for a bright future can fuel crippling perfectionism, impatience, and despair.

As I relate this story of the assembly now, people say “what an interesting choice for the school” in an effort to assign blame.  But I don’t criticize my alma mater for educating us on AIDS, I think those men had an important story to tell.  In fact, I became a Red Cross Certified HIV prevention educator, and it is important to share the fact that risk is not about who you are, it’s about what you do.

The challenge with bringing in these men is that they were the only gay adults that many at our school (including me) were exposed to.  With dying of AIDS being the sole data point, it became very hard to imagine other possibilities. 

This is why Pride matters.  While coming out is a painful decision for some, it is a vital step that can inspire so many others.

This is why Sponsorship matters.  A “snowcapped” (straight white male) leadership team will not change without intentionally making different choices.  Even an action as simple as spotlighting a gay executive from another organization on a panel can inspire new possibilities for junior colleagues.

Everyone deserves an opportunity to reach their full potential.  Leadership is helping people unlock their dreams.  Representation enables people to dream bigger.